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The Complexity of Sharing this Blog with Your Friends

Monday June 1, 2020

[Is this a bitchy post? It kinda feels that way—but at the same time, I think there’s some good info here and I’m not writing it to beg for shares. I really appreciate you guys and hope it’s useful to you. —Marc]

I was chuckling today about INTJs and sharing things. For example, here’s an email I have never read: “My INTJ friend shared your blog with me! I’m an INTJ too! Wheee I’m so excited!”

And sure, you guys aren’t emotional extroverts. That’s a simple way to explain it.

But also: No friggin’ way! If you’re an INTJ, chances are you found this blog yourself like a good little researcher. You added it to your bookmark collection of choice. You stored it up for the long winter, in which we Chipmunks hide away from mean old Donald Duck who’s out plowing the snow, and read our favorite copies of books and blogs and things.

And should there be another winter, you may need the information again! What if someone else finds it, in the meantime, and learns all the tricks? Well, just in case, maybe don’t share it for now.

And maybe! You printed it off into your collection of hard copies of things. (I am getting to know you guys and your hard copies. I no longer have the shelf space. :-))

So yeah, these things, INTJs are not known for: Sharing blogs they treasure, sharing books they treasure, giving referrals.

Sharing, giving—not so much! More like telling, explaining, fixing. Right?

And things get more complex, I think, the more the blog or book appeals to their most intimate self.

If I wanted to maximize my business from this blog, I’d rename it to: “A blog for your quiet friend who already knows everything.”

Man, I’d get so many emails from extroverts spilling their guts about their INTJs! Hahahaha. Ah…my sides.

So what seems to do the trick? Here are some things that help INTJs share:

1. They’re Done With It

First, they’re done with it. They got what they needed out of it. Sure, have a link to this thing, it could be helpful.

Maybe this means they used the thing for something, and then arrived at a suspiciously-broad conclusion about the thing.

(DANGER: While this is an expeditious method of moving on to new interests in a utilitarian way, it’s not really known for making a person smarter, wiser, or more interesting.)

2. They Are Done Thinking They’ll Ever Become It, and are Thus Ready to Share

Let’s say you have been procrastinating your own INTJ blog. Well, you wouldn’t want your audience to come over here, right? They’d get too distracted or bored by the time you had your own blog up and running. Maybe your blog would be old news.

A lot of newly-self-aware INTJs are thinking, “man, I may even become a coach.” So they’re over here trying to figure out this coaching thing. How does he do it? Some of you write me about it, or sign up for coaching because you want to know if it might be a good career fit for you. Maybe so!

Eventually they may also seize on another idea, like “man, I better stick with corporate IT” or whatever it is, and at that point they “outgrew” the thing, so they’re ready to share it.

3. They Either Think It’s Scientifically Defensible, or Don’t Care Anymore

Here is one of the core fears of a standard, model M1-A1 INTJ: Getting caught being dead wrong about something.

And INTJs are more likely to engage in broad, externally-facing research regarding correctness, as opposed to a deep, internal appeal considering factors like systems-internal logic. The Te-vs-Ti thing.

So the INTJ “measures the wind” of science, momentarily assuming the position of an imaginary debate opponent. In other words:

  • If I google “MBTI is unscientific,” what do I find? (Nevermind the fact that MBTI is not INTJ and vice-versa—you see, it’s also a depth problem from the start, and here goes this broad, shallow search)
  • Could it convince me, or is the result some wild-looking ENTP website? (jk)
  • If it’s convincing, I’m sorry but we are done here.

I’ve seen some pretty funny treatments of this “cover my correctness contingencies” pattern. It’s very easy to mock. It’s shallow af, even and maybe especially where scientific correctness is concerned.

(I’ve written some delicious rebuttals of the “scientific” complaints over on Reddit, indeed sometimes it feels like the idiocy never stops when you have a continually-refreshing supply of grumpy and spiteful INTJ teenagers, procrastinating their homework yet again while delivering lectures on a site like Reddit)

4. They are done hiding this part of their Intimate Self

Like I mentioned above, if the blog is going to reveal a ton more about them, and make them vulnerable, then just no. They might as well share their subscription to Playboy, or Playgirl, or whatever. Not gonna happen.

But then you get to the point where you DGAF. You think “it’s better if people get the info. I’m not super concerned about stuff happening to me. I can handle it.”

5. They are one of THOSE INTJs, God I Love You Guys

Every once in a while I meet an INTJ who is:

  • Really open to new ideas
  • Laid back and generally upbeat
  • Emotionally there, not just informationally there. Right? Brings up your emotional stuff, or whatever it is that’s in the air.
  • A secret strategist like other INTJs, but wayyyy more personable and open about it
  • Less of a big deal, and OK with it

These people are REALLY cool, in my opinion. I don’t know who raised them, but we should all be more like them.

When I coach people like this, it’s amazing, watching them do all these well-rounded-adult things.

6. They found just the right sharing target and context

Here’s another core gift: Seeing in your mind the kind of person who would benefit from a blog like this, or a thing like that. Conceptualization. Heck, even seeing the exact scenario and exact individual, seeing the entire interaction in your mind’s eye.

That’s pretty fun. “Hey, I was thinking of you, and I thought you might like…” and then just seeing that land. “Oh I love this information, it’s so glorious, oh I can’t contain my joy” or whatever. ;-)

Otherwise what are you going to do, randomly send your ESFJ aunt an INTJ blog, because you got excited? Nobody needs that kind of trouble.

But this does bring up some relevant risks:

  • What if your audience, people who you don’t yet know, just like to see stuff that makes you excited?
  • What if waiting for that perfect moment is preventing you from having a voice at all?
  • What if all you need to start with is a voice, even if you end up changing it a bit later?

Share Now

So there are some ideas on this phenomenon. It’s kinda fun to think about it. There’s certainly some really kickass information I’m not sharing with you, because in order to discover it, you’d also have to go through my underwear drawer, so to speak. And I think that part is OK.

For now.

Filed in: Openness /49/ | People /72/ | Relationships /78/

Own your procrastination with Whole Productivity, a new system → Get my free INTJ COVID-19 Guide → Explore your gifts with my INTJ Workbook → Other Publications → ...and the fake word of the hour: "Ed." I think this is related to a lack of discipline.