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You know what's awkward? Product Reviews Edition

Friday June 5, 2020

This is what’s awkward. When you’re trying to relax and you end up on Amazon, reading product reviews. “I need one of those neck fans.” —Me in 2020

Man there are INTJs all up through the entire joint there. The backbone reviewer of Amazon is this meta-INTJ who drops in every so often to drive just a truck of a review right through the store’s front window.

14,400 People Found Your Review Especially Helpful. The Inventor Has Issued a Death Warrant Bearing Your Name.

I’m on there, and some of my reviews are so corny. Information is just corny, at some level. But I guess it never made us any guarantees in the first place. “I’ll help you fix your cat’s thyroid, but I’ll also make you want to buy my new coming-of-age romance novel at the same time.” If a thing like that happens, it takes so much energy that you definitely aren’t out there getting rent paid AND writing that stuff. Or at least—I couldn’t.

I accidentally come across my own reviews sometimes. I start reading and then I go, “BLAH BLAH BLAH whatever” and scroll down really fast, because who needs self-inflicted trauma these days. Close tab. Same thing with blog-kun, on a bad day. Poor blog-kun. Hugs.

Though I admit it’s kinda nice to use this secret personality knowledge as a way to filter reviews. Just keep an eye out for the standard bloviating text formations of your typical pro-am sizer-upper. Then divide by unnecessary contingency thinking, and subtract some points for possible tiredness. What’s left over can be pretty valuable.

Hmmm. That also sounds like a method for learning to tolerate just about any INTJ when we’re having a bad day. Hahaha! OK I’m done here. The weekend has arrived.

(There are a lot of great, even amazingly well-written reviews on there—I exaggerate a bit)

I bought a neck fan, by the way. It’s kinda neat. Try not to imagine me wearing it, because I guarantee it’s too sexy for your life. But anyway right after that I discovered a big secret to keeping myself cool in an office that’s pushing 90F, and without having to turn on the nuclear-powered AC. So the neck fan is temporarily gathering dust.

Filed in: /31/ | /70/

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