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Test It Out for Crying Out Loud, It Probably Won't Kill You

Wednesday June 5, 2019

I’ve had some pretty brave INTJ clients over the years, people who shared with me their various experiences in trying new foods (OK), trying new business ventures (neat!), trying out new philosophies (cool!!) and trying out new literally mind-altering substances (boot partition not foun.
.
d̵̦͍̘̗̮̣̱̓͋̐̄͋̀͘
.
.).

Coming from a Mormon background [or whatever it’s called now! ESFP in charge, everybody dance to the chaotic rhythm], this was pretty wild to hear at first. Past-me could dig up just about any excuse for “maintaining my control over my life,” or “getting high on life,” or whatever felt appropriately apologetic. But when it came down to it, I had no idea about any of this stuff.

I definitely couldn’t talk about it from personal experience!

Huh.

And like any other control freak, my mind immediately responded to that with, “FROM EXPERIENCE?” and started tucking into the fetal position in anticipation of idiotic moments of judgment. But still—watching this happen, feeling the resistance course through my veins—I knew that there was some nuance to be understood there. Some more education was needed.

So I tried to keep an open mind—I wanted to hear what the client thought was worth hearing, as always.

And in my little, ridiculous mad-science sort of way, I knew I wanted to experiment. Upon meself. Har har har.

Fortunately, little dives into mad science can be kept little, and fun, and dare I say it, controlled pretty well. So that’s cool.

Slightly Mad Science, Zero Calories

And along those lines, I just wanted to announce that I tried my first Monster Energy drink this week.

Well, a diet one. Is that still “Monster” enough? It tasted like a watermelon Jolly Rancher candy. So weird! Who would have expected “ULTRA PARADISE” to taste like a lame purchasing decision at my neighborhood candy store?!

Energy drinks though! That’s right, they’re hot, they’re hip, they’re everywhere! I remember reading that phrase long ago in a religious magazine article, The Lift That Lets You Down, at the aforementioned religion’s website.

And which article of course contains the deadly phrase, “I can quit anytime.” DAH DUM DUUUMMMMM.

Personally though, I do carry this special amulet. It’s relevant. It’s an imaginary, special amulet.

You see, in my various travels, long ago, I had a psychiatrist tell me, in a calm and assuring voice, “you do not have an addictive personality.”

So don’t you finger-wag me, didactic addiction messaging zombies! I’m substance-proof! holds up amulet as sun rays fill it with the power and light carbonation of Diet Monster ULTRA PARADISE

…and did that kid in the article really drink 12 energy drinks a day? Sorry but: Sweet Jesus! The can I’m looking at puts 16 fluid oz. at 140mg a can, meaning, if I’m even close to what he drank, he was doing [tap tap tap] 1,680mg of caffeine a day! It can’t be. Can it?

I mean, that is something like 3x the amount (!!!) that killed this poor guy and it makes me wonder exactly what was going on there, too. Genetics, maybe. I think I could do 3 Monsters, but I probably would save that level of fun for an epic last day sprint on a road trip or something. Or some accident. Did I drink a can already, or not? I’m going with not. [Drinks third can]

BUT anyway, I did end up posting quite a few dance & trance music links on the blog’s home page here, while I was under the influence of this fantasy paradise beverage. Made me laugh. Did you catch my favorite SILICA GEL song? Talk about great band names!

I also took an L-Theanine pill with the drink and I’m pretty sure that helped me feel less jittery (it usually does), though I was very, very alert. It so happened that I needed some alertness, which was cool too.

Experiments will continue. Do you have a favorite energy drink? A special potion? Are you abstinent? A tea drinker? Are you high on life? Something else? Let me know!

By the way this all counts as extraversion in the Jungian sense, so if I sound really different when I write articles like this, it’s because I’m literally not being myself! Food and drink…for thought.

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