Thursday July 28, 2016
I hereby release myself from my inferior function’s need to do things by myself.
Needing to do things myself has been a huge mistake; I hope it’s not too late to fix all the problems this has caused.
Had I known about inferior Se, secondary Te, etc. I probably would have planned out my life much differently.
But we can’t go back in time, now can we? And I guess I’m the kind of person who thinks regrets are OK and normal.
From here on out I am a systems guy, I measure things, I analyze them.
If Se wants to come out and play for recreational purposes, perfect.
If Ni wants me to gather things I’m missing, those things are now suspect. Especially physical things. Especially things I buy in patterns.
INTJs are so bad at collecting things. We should never do that unless accompanied by an expert. It’s common for INTJs, I think, to gather things, the most optimal things, and then throw them away all at once. Talk about hyperbolic.
I threw away an optimal bicycle once. I thank my parents for not sticking me with the bill.
I’m thankful I’ve learned all this stuff.
I’m conscious that my life is about to change dramatically. It already has, physically. But waves of change are vibrating through me. Tears come to my eyes, anticipating the changes that have to follow this recent psychological overhaul. Studying Jungian psychology and its models has been a huge benefit. The weight loss was just a start. I’ve had crazy dreams lately, visions during the daytime. They’ve always been there in the background, but…
I have new tools to use now. I am sliding into my real self like I’ve been away from it for a while, like it’s a comfortable seat in a fighter jet.
[Are fighter jet seats even comfortable?]
[I had a professor who said “everyone should write a manifesto.” Mine’s done for now, felt pretty good.]