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BTW I nearly added a fart button to the blog today

Tuesday June 2, 2020

Well first it was going to be one of those little up-arrow buttons that does the “scroll to top” things on mobile devices. Except you’d tap it, and it would take off like a rocket, disappearing off the top of the screen. I mean seriously: You don’t need an extra button for that scrolling stuff anyway. Whoosh! There it goes.

Then I thought, “what if it farted or something?” Man, my kids would love that.

Then I remembered The Keychain. What was it called?

I guess it was THE EXECUTOR.

…you know, the sound effects toy from the naynteen nayntees! For kids! Man, I used to sneak around the yard, imagining I was blowing up huge Soviet tanks with that thing. Wolverines! Pew pew pew!

So during this brainstorm I thought, “wouldn’t it be incredible if a toy from my childhood was accessible from this very blog, like these eight buttons could be activated from the side of the screen or something?”

That’s how weird things get here on my lunch breaks, sometimes. I’m writing it here hoping I can let it go. Otherwise I might find myself burning 10, 20, 30 hours on something like that.

Oh and I’m on this moderated dirty cut, so I was eating a packet of values-driven Pop Tarts at the time of this brainstorm, too.

In fact, I had just returned from a long walk. It’s warm outside, here in sunny California. So I was laying on my bed, shoes off, a fan pointed at my sweaty body while I ate a packet of pop tarts, stared at the ceiling, and laughed about this toy thing.

Man, remember that ESFJ guy who called me grandiose a while back? Hell yeah I’m grandiose! I’m waxing grandiose about ’90s keychain sound effects on my blog, while laying in my bed eating junk food and losing weight at the same time! I’m not sure what more a person really wants out of life.

Good lord I love Pop Tarts. 370 calories of delight. There’s still room for at least half of a normal lunch after that. Totally worth it.

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