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Advice on relations, win-win negotiations, etc.

Thursday December 3, 2020

A Reddit user writes:

Hello! I found your comment on an old INTJ post and wanted to see if you can provide some advice?

I could use similar advice on “become a more pleasant, empathetic person, focusing on win-win strategies during negotiations, trying to turn “no” into “yes” more often by finding satisfactory middle ground, etc”

For the last year I’ve been trying to work on these by self-monitoring but I still slip up and can come down to hard in discussions on suggesting “the way” instead of asking questions and coaching people to “a way”. Any specific books, videos, tips you have found helpful?

I have written a lot of advice that relates to this here on the blog. You may also find the relationships tag and the How to Think Better as an INTJ article good starting points for designing things like negotiations and other group undertakings.

In my experience it’s best to start by laying down the principles you’d like to adhere to, and then asking: If I’m adhering to the principle of “win-win”, what’s a win-win look like for this project, etc. INTJs are good at this kind of conceptual design.

You may also wish to design in specific milestones at which you zoom out to look at the big-picture, conceptual level again and check in on those principles.

IMO it’s generally more helpful to get into the specific project-by-project and person-by-person parameters ASAP rather than taking the more generalized books & videos approach. For this reason it’s hard to recommend any specific books or videos at this time. However you may also want to take a look at Dario Nardi’s books like 8 Keys and Jung’s Magic Diamond for long-term development purposes.

I hope this helps! All the best to you —Marc

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