1. The Courage to Trust Your Selves

• The Courage to Trust Past Self
• The Courage to Trust Current Self
• The Courage to Trust Future Self

2. The Courage to Discover and Discard the Standard Self

• The Courage to Listen to Outside Perspectives
• The Courage to Discover the Standard Self
• The Courage to Discard and Move Beyond the Standard Self

3. The Courage to Try Again What Didn’t Work for You Before

• The Courage to Break from Patterns Set by Past Contexts
• The Courage to Interrogate the Method, Context, and Plan
• The Courage to Raise Awareness to Observation toward Improvement

4. The Courage to Follow the Appropriate Path while Anticipating Trouble

• The Courage to Anticipate and Prepare for Trouble
• The Courage to Trust One’s Own Response to Trouble
• The Courage to Learn Lessons from Responding to Trouble and Rise Again

5. The Courage to Support Others’ Paths

• The Courage to Trust Outside-self Paths
• The Courage to Understand Outside-self Paths
• The Courage to Support Outside-self Paths

6. The Courage to Bring Form to New Energy

• The Courage to Produce New Energy
• The Courage to Publish New Energy
• The Courage to Refine and Redouble the Spread of New Energy

Filed in: Publications (44)

Can we develop a gauge to guide the development of moral codes and moral behavior?

I think we can, and in doing so maybe we can avoid the trap of becoming too prescriptive too early. That is, maybe we can help guide ourselves to a good outcome without developing just another moral code.

Here is a quick draft scale, moving from primitive and subjective and up to nuanced, broadly effective and more objective:

1. Single word or single phrase-based moral codes
   1. e.g. “Be charitable”
2. Collections of such — The Ten Commandments, The Beatitudes
   1. “Also” collections. Mainly additive in creation. For example, “oh and also don’t steal from people.”
3. Collection-to-Personalization Bridge: Belief Systems that Bridge Codes back down to Subjective Level
   1. A necessary accommodation for when the collection or single-word approach seems to start to condemn individuals left and right…
   2. Jesus: “Neither do I condemn thee—go and sin no more”
   3. Revolutionary swap from “stay on the good side” to “we are all bad, and good”
4. Transcendence into Moral Code Diversity
   1. An Understanding and Appreciation of Many Codes: From Jesus to Buddha to…
   2. Codes brought together to forge new codes
      1. Some looser than others! Incl. Corporate Mission Statements
   3. Collective Accommodation of Personal Difference
      1. Go and be who you are
   1. Collection of Collective Accommodations of Personal Difference
      1. Go and do what you are; I will do what I am, and in this context we can helpfully reference the story of…
5. Transcendence of Moral Code Diversity
   1. Why are you who you are? How do you see yourself? Listening and compiling
   2. Why do you do this or that thing? Understanding and analyzing
   3. Many codes are appreciated for being just that: Many & diverse
   4. Giving significant thought to the meta-viewpoint of “what is happening with the ‘us’”
6. Evolution into Considerate Beings with Periodic Code-reference
   1. Contextual change is easily given significant weight in moral code selection – Group evolution – Differing circumstances
   2. Consideration is easily given to various moral codes
   3. Arrangements are understood to affect specific circumstances
   4. It is understood why no one moral code “wins” over others.
   5. Moral codes can be improvised, but they can also be built for ongoing refinement
   6. The same moral code can be designed to be communicated in different ways, with different reasoning, so that it remains useful across psychologies and contexts.
      1. Creative example: Newly-developed memes and legends
7. Transcendence of Moral Code Reference
   1. “People should be” is pretty much dead, replaced by narrative exchange, measurement exchange, or other outside-in methods of discovery and contact
   2. At the same time, the best parts of a moral code are brought forward, especially since a moral code mindset may be native to specific humans or evolved humans
      1. All the more important that the best parts are made available to these individuals for encouragement and setting appropriate boundaries for those with whom they make contact

It may be possible for a human to believe they are making it right through this scale, but as a group? We have a long way to go.

Which is a good thing, for a development scale.

OK, enough for now, more later maybe.

Filed in: Control (112) | Energy (121) | Essays (53) | Publications (44)

One of the things I like to track is the way my personal interests are “directional,” in a metaphorical sense. They reliably provide me with timely and specific clues, clues that point at helpful mindsets or tools for the current situation I’m in.

If you’re ever feeling down, or stressed, or overwhelmed, or just a bit disorganized, this practice can really help.

Today I want to share some examples of how I use the role playing game (RPG) interest as a direction-finder.

1. Decide What The Character Will Do

When I get really interested in RPGs, I like to open my daily journal entry and start a new list. I’ll use this list to decide what my character will do. That character is me, but I’m thinking of myself from the third-person perspective.

Each item on the list starts with “I’d like him to” or “I want him to.” Examples from this last Saturday:

• I want him to enjoy the day.
• I want him to get some rest and then a bit of exercise.
• I want him to monitor funds (trading).
• I want him to do some journaling and read his weekend file.
• I want him to upgrade the router firmware.
• I would love for him to write a backup script for the new system. Or plan it.

These lists are usually different from my first-person ideas. For example, I have been nursing an injury, and I had decided not to do any exercise at all. But my third-person view was, “I want him to get a bit of exercise, even if he can’t do all of them.”

It’s strange, in this way, because the emotional detachment helps to figure out reasonable ways to do things. I also find that I feel less pressure to do tons of things in one day.

Compared to the first-person perspective, this outside-in view is generally much more reasonable about what’s possible or needed.

2. Imagine Favorite Characters, and Ask Them About Their Mission

Usually a specific type of character will come to me through the intuition, and seem more fascinating than usual.

On Saturday it was a tall cyberpunk guy in a long overcoat, with blue hair. He had a blue “chip”, like a diskette which was really important.

I’ve seen him in my mind’s eye before. Usually this guy represents a fusion of emotional and logical / rational needs. He’s productive in the sense that he can handle both ways of being pretty well, and still make progress. He’s usually on a tricky mission that accomplishes a lot, but some up-front breakthrough effort is needed.

I started a new section in my journal, where I could have an intuitive “conversation” with this symbolic voice. As soon as I had jacked into this thinking mode, he started briefing me:

Marc. I have the data chip. We need to get it into the master computer system.

What does the data chip hold?

Numbers. Measurements. Data. Good stuff.

OK (I get it—this is a prompt to make a schedule and track progress). How am I doing.

Good but there is more data, more chips.

Yeah, that’s a big blue data chip. Should I get super-organized?

Yep. Also there is the spreadsheet you made.

I also get the feeling I should get ready for the day? I’m still in my pajamas.

Yep.

OK.

I pulled up a schedule with 15-minute time slots and filled it out.

As soon as I finished that, the interest in this character started to fade. That’s normal. He’s still interesting, but not as fixating.

This process used to be a lot more funny to me. I almost hate to admit it, but now it’s more like a quick and helpful utility—something far more mundane!

The character, the colors I see in my mind, the theme, the data chip—it’s all meaningful, and I’ve long since learned that it has a lot to do with the combination of emotion and rationality that I’ve addressed above.

Essentially, this guy always helps me find a win-win for the day—I do what I need to do, but I also do what’s fun, or interesting, or fulfilling.

There are many characters like this in my files—hundreds of them, easily. Each one seems to signify a new type of conversation or mindset which would be helpful.

3. Develop and Understand the Themes. Or Even Just Ranges and Spaces

It can help to build a personal idea of the subjective “meaning” of a type of game that I’m interested in. For example, low-fantasy role playing games which take place in subterranean caverns have a different meaning in my symbol system than does strategic global warfare.

A big concept here is range and space: How far do the weapons shoot or defend, and how enclosed is the space.

At tight ranges, and in tight spaces, I find that I’m looking at really tight timelines, possibly emergencies. If fighting off a zombie hoard with a baseball bat is really interesting, then there’s a good chance I’ve overbooked myself, for example. It may be that a clever escape (doing some creative schedule-destruction and re-authoring) is a better idea than a continuation of the uneven fight.

At long ranges, and in expansive strategic spaces, I find that the longer timelines, schedules, and goals need my attention. These may seem less-pressing to the inxperienced eye, but if neglected they tend to turn into nuclear apocalypse situations, which are pretty bad across the board.

Some Final Thoughts

The coolest part of this is that it’s so subjective. These symbols can mean just about anything to any individual, and they are infinitely deep. The sets of symbols are more like fractals, begging for exploration and development.

I hope it’s helped to share a basic personal example.

And to my symbolically-axe-wielding, snub nose revolver-loading friends: Hang in there! Build on your strengths and you’ll find a way through.

Filed in: Control (112) | Intuition (63) | Interests (112) | Fitness (31) | Feeling (64) | Anxiety (32) | Therapeutic Practice (149) | Ni (42) | Productivity (120) | Goals (52) | Planning (17)

Today I’m proud to announce the formation of a new and patently silly organization.

The International Society of Clever Sleuths

The organization is hereby established to forward the ideals of looking into things, and of being creative, curious, and clever.

Who is Welcome?

Are you a web sleuth? A scientific sleuth? Do you like to investigate new foods, or are you hot on the trail of a crooked politician? Domains of interest are wide open. Sleuthing is useful just about everywhere.

Motto: “We Look Into It, Because You Never Know”

Secret Handshake: Member 1 extends two fists, palm down. They extend the invitation—“pick one.” Member 2 points two index fingers, one pointing at the top of each fist, and says, “both.” Members making the fist are invited, but not required, to place a piece of candy in both hands. At the end of this short ritual, they may both share the candy as a simple nod to the benefits of being Clever Sleuths.

Secret Verbal Exchange: Member 1 asks, “Do you like rainy days, or sunny days?” (R in Rainy comes before S in Sunny) Member 2 replies with a question: “Can I like both?” Member 1 then closes the exchange by saying, “Clever,” “Creative,” or “Curious.”

Fraternal Song: With Cat-Like Tread, Upon Our Prey We Steal from The Pirates of Penzeance (This is a nod to the detective’s clever mental approach, more than a nod to piracy)

Mascot: A victorious cat sits upright, happily licking its paw, all squinty-eyed.

Founding Principles: Creativity, Curiosity, Cleverness, followed by Kindness and Pleasant Recreation.

The acronym ISCS is what I’m calling a Xenogram. The C can stand for Creative, Curious, or Clever. You can write it out differently every time, if you like.

As the Founder of this Society, I invite you to join me. We’ll make it fun.

How to Join

To join now, please assign yourself a temporary membership ID number:

ID-YYYYMMDDHHmmSS-FF-Codename

Your temporary membership ID number is the Year, Month, Day, Hour (24-hour format), Minute, and Second (two-digit format, 00 through 59), at which you finished reading the Society Motto aloud, followed by a dash, followed by your lucky two-digit number of choice, and your self-appointed Clever Sleuth code name. The code name in this case should be kept to one word, if possible.

If you’d like to register your membership, send me your temporary membership ID number, and we’ll make it formal.

(The title of this post is a reference to an aging Groucho Marx quote. I invite you to be a part of fun stuff, blog readers!)

Filed in: Interests (112) | Thinking (71) | Energy (121) | Publications (44)

JD asks,

Would you say a happy, healthy INTJ is more like an ESFP?

In some ways, sure, maybe so. Maybe the healthy INTJ is more outgoing, upbeat, well-engaged with the sensory world, funny, that sort of thing. Jujimufu is a good example of these characteristics in an INTJ, in my opinion.

At the same time, there’s much more to it!

You can also say that a healthy INTJ looks more like just about any other happy and healthy person. And type is only one way of looking at that. For example…

Healthy ENFJ: The INTJ is more idealistic, diplomatic, and clever.

Healthy ISFP: The INTJ is more gentle, quietly radiant, and able to give attention to complex relationship dynamics.

Healthy ESTP: The INTJ is more impactful, improvisatory with in-situ logic, and genuinely interested in how you are doing.

Healthy ISTJ: The INTJ is more steadily progressive in their pursuits, open-minded, and attentive to the way quiet, simple convention can play a heroic role in life.

(Are we trying to cram 500,000% of things into one individual? No—keep in mind these are small, simple factors of preference and judgment that add up to create a whole experience of, and for, a person. This typically happens over long time spans. Don’t try picking this up over the summer.)

Outside of personality type, maybe you can say these other things about healthy people:

• Their blood pressure is within the normal range.
• Their budget is under control and not an overpowering concern.
• They can give time and energy to the needs of other people.
• They can set reasonable boundaries at work, home, and play.

There’s a lot to this “healthy” thing, and I hope that helps clarify my thinking a bit. I’m glad you asked.

The ESFP model is really helpful, I think, because that’s one of the INTJ’s first stops for relief. When I meet INTJs who struggle really badly—and I’ve been there too—ESFP stuff seems really helpful to them. ESFP perspectives, ESFP judgments. ESFP jokes and sometimes ESFP not giving a care about work anymore, because I’m just done.

So it seems that when we’ve been really hard on ourselves and our energy levels, we just have to head to that opposite.

The fact that there’s much more to healthy living than this single dichotomy has been a really enjoyable thing to me too, though. I didn’t really appreciate this when I was younger, but nowadays I really like that there are so many details to consider. They’re all interesting, and chewy, and you never know how things will turn out. Life’s more of an adventure.

Filed in: Relationships (78) | Control (112)

Cesar writes,

What’s an important business communication tip for INTJs that you don’t see shared around much?

Maybe a big one is adapting your vocabulary. Putting your words aside for a bit and using others’ words for things.

We INTJs can get stuck on our “correct” words for things. Which is commendable, if you’re working with people who also appreciate that.

In such an environment, nobody wants to misunderstand, because that’s super inefficient. And if we have a shared understanding of a common bank of words that are used for this or that task—great. “Ooh, you just used a term which is specific, and has a load of meaning, and we both get it!” That’s a terrific feeling if you like efficiency and effectiveness.

In a lot of cases though, we have to work with people who don’t subscribe to the same word bank that we do. :-) In these cases, it helps to listen more closely for words people use that depart from this common word bank. It helps if you can try to treasure those words a bit, because they are important to the person who is using them.

And I’m not even talking about really specific, or technical words here! For example, let’s say you normally use these words a LOT at your job:

• Teamwork
• Authorize
• Project

But this time, a client, colleague, or partner is heading up a big new discussion, and they describe what they want to do together. In their description of the work, they use these words instead of the words above:

• Efforts
• Release
• Engagement

In context, those words mean the same thing. If you understand this correlation, you now have a kind of mental map to that person’s “yes” button. Why? Easy: Those are their words.

So while it’s tempting to send them over your usual email that says, “Project Authorization,” because that shows you know your job and your words, IMO it’s a better idea to use “Engagement Release” if that seems like it fits their word bank better.

As an introvert, somebody who brings their past more heavily into new conversations, you may tend to stick with your words because they give you a lot of subjective comfort, in this way or that. Maybe they help you feel more competent, or confident. However, sticking to one’s own preferred words can be a liability in teamwork.

You may also find that using your own word bank makes other people feel like their words are obsolete, or incorrect, or kinda dumb. If at all possible, it’s a good idea to avoid this scenario.

Personally I tend to write down others’ words for things. Then I briefly clarify how I’m using those words, and when I get the “yep, we’re right there with you, (BECAUSE THOSE ARE OUR WORDS AND WE LIKE THEM)” then I use those words to describe what I’d like to do next, or where I see the work going.

I’ve had some hilariously good results with this. I would almost say the more specific I get with this, the better things go. And I wouldn’t call it outright manipulation, which a lot of INTJs are really sensitive about—it’s more like you’re looking things up in their own dictionary for them. A professional courtesy that goes a long way.

If you have ever become stuck while explaining your word bank to someone else, you may know that this is also a big risk. Particularly if the person on the other end is in an introverted mode, or if they’re just not being listened to. Maybe they don’t really appreciate your technical work, maybe they hate it, maybe their boss is making them work with you—whatever it is, the act of explaining your words tends to make all that stuff even worse.

(I’m reminded that I should also write about mansplaining, which was one of my favorite business topics to look into in 2020!)

Good luck Cesar! Hope that helps. —Marc

Filed in: People (74) | Careers (41) | Relationships (78)

Back in the early 2000s I had my first experience with personality type. Together with a group of my peers, I sorted out some cards, attempting to identify my True Colors.

Along with the colors were shown various visual props.

For example, on the Green card there was a microscope, a computer, maybe a math textbook. Those things absolutely called my name. Especially sitting there, in a social situation, staring at this amazing nerd’s bedroom, with a 1990s computer—I could just tell. Man I would have teleported into that room right at that moment, if I could.

On the Blue card, a painter’s canvas, a guitar, some other stuff like that. This also called my name.

On the Orange card, a kayak, a soccer ball. I got where they were going with this, and I wanted to claim it, but I looked around at my Orange friends and just couldn’t get there. They were probably like Neon Orange or something. A bit extreme—meanwhile I’m just over here daydreaming about my favorite MS-DOS GUI. Low key, right.

And finally, turning to the Gold card, there was a day planner, an alarm clock set to 4:30 a.m., a checklist, a bullwhip, a referee’s whistle, a stepladder, a portable loudspeaker…

(I am totally joking about all those Gold things. Pretty sure the day planner was there though.)

Anyway, our trainer had us pick out TWO cards, in priority order. One that’s most like us, and then the next one that’s next-most like us. OK, fine. I picked out Green and then Blue. And I went to sit with the Greens.

There were like five of us greens in a room of about 50 people. lol. (BTW this is still true for me when I train on temperament or four-letter type. The NTs are really rare unless the audience is literally engineers or something. There is also usually a moment when I want to turn to the NTs and say, “hey, wanna get out of here?”)

Then the trainer explained:

The FIRST card is you just being your normal self [or something like that, it was a pretty breezy presentation given to university kids].

The SECOND card you picked is probably what you become when you get stressed out, or tired.

Whaat….! You should have heard the gasps. This was really mind-expanding stuff, for a lot of us. For me it seemed immediately valid on its face. I was shocked that someone had figured this out.

Objective, Yep, That’s Us

As I was looking up the True Colors system while writing this post, I was amused to find the Wikipedia article basically having a debate with itself in the “Scientific basis” section.

First there’s one paragraph explaining some kind of roughly-correlating studies and stuff, hedge hedge hedge.

Then comes the following paragraph, which basically lights the first paragraph on fire and shoves it out the window:

However, the research was performed by an 11-year True Colors Certified Trainer, the research was not published in a peer-reviewed journal, and there are no published replications.

Well! I won’t be studying THIS system then, I thought.

But too late, I had already studied it years ago, and it was really neat!

This brings me back to subjectivity. Because objectivity…how to put this.

Objectivity is having a crisis these days. Not the replication crisis itself. But the idea of objectivity. It’s just having an awkward time. I’m not sure how this situation came about, but it’s like: Here comes objectivity walking down the runway, wearing a brand new set of designer clothes, but it looks as if objectivity’s sibling, subjectivity is the one who did all the clothes shopping. Something’s just off.

And it just feels strange to see objectivity on a runway, right? Runways are about individuals. Individuals are a subjectivity thing. What…is this? Could it be that what we’re looking for is quality, instead of dolled-up quantity?

And wow, subjectivity is absolutely at critically under-hyped levels these days, maybe even moreso if you’re a TJ personality type. Subjectivity probably gave way too much of their clothes allowance to the objective sibling so this runway thing could not be a disaster, maybe.

Related, here’s what I really wish I had done, back in the early 2000s:

I wish I had recognized a very subjectively-interesting thing and just kept taking it deeper.

I didn’t do that with personality type at the time, but I was fascinated, and it took me another 10 years or so before I really took it deeper, and the benefits were amazing.

Speaking of fascination, currently on my radar, apart from some of the more “objective” stuff, we find these ZANY things:

• Astrology (turns out I had my sign wrong for YEARS. WTF, big three)
• Numerology
• Yoga
• Martial Arts

Now, if you’re thinking, “whoa there, Yoga and Martial Arts are NOT ZANY,” then I guess I have to say “EXACTLY,” because people usually think of their subjective-favorite-part of those things as the non-zany part. And they derive some concrete benefit from it.

But Yoga and Martial Arts actually kind of are objectively zany in lots of other ways, and the subjective factor often makes the difference! So my theory is that this is definitely true of Astrology and Numerology. Something weird is up, but also the subject can probably handle the weird stuff just fine, and filter it out, or whatever.

Moving forward then, here’s the thing: I am excited to find new ways to design a tolerance for good-but-unscientific stuff. Sure. But I’m even more excited to take more risks and dive deep into new things that seem interesting. It may save me a lot of time down the road.

Not that I have that much time today…

Anyway, a bit of a walk down memory lane with this post. How did you first learn about your personality characteristics? What was your first “wow” moment? Email’s in the sidebar.

Filed in: Essays (53) | Interests (112)

I was surprised to discover that it took me a full week to fully transition into my winter vacation at the end of 2020. A full week!

I felt great, once the real vacation effect finally hit me. Vacation! Wonderful! So fun.

But before that? Lots of winding-down talk, some journaling about it, some worrying. Ugh.

Prior to the vacation, I had really over-extended myself on some boundaries. So I needed recovery time before I could even get to the vacation enjoyment time!

It was nice to be conscious of that, but not nice to have to do it.

Speaking of which, I just posted an article called Using FACTS and TESTS to Set Healthy Boundaries. It’s published over at my coaching site. Which is still me, but it’s more of a general-audience me. Maybe a more professional me. Not even sure!

If you ever suffer from boundary compromises, I hope you’ll take a look. Learning to set boundaries has been a huge changing point in my life, even though I still stumble at times!

Filed in: Feeling (64) | Therapeutic Practice (149) | Energy (121)

Holly asks,

I always catch myself being sloppy, but then I don’t have the energy to fix the sloppy parts of my work. So there is always some stubborn, neglected slop in my projects. Also, I’m never really satisfied with my work. Is this a thing for INTJs?

It’s not easy to admit or share that kind of thing, Holly. A lot of people would much sooner project a detail-conscious, perfectly-satisfied persona, than admit they are sloppy or less-than-satisfied. But the slop factor is so real sometimes!

People of any type can be sloppy, but I find that when INTJs feel too sloppy, they’re usually worn out, tired, exhausted somehow.

If that’s you, please take care of yourself. Get some rest, take some time off, and let your energy renew itself.

You also mentioned that you sometimes can’t fix that, even though you’re aware of it. Sometimes this “can’t fix it” energy comes from resentment, for example if you’re working for an employer that is always demanding things, and you are tired of their sh*t. That may be a good time to push back, or at least explore your feelings. Maybe do some howling or venting.

Regarding work satisfaction, it can help to consider your work a reflection of your fears about yourself. For example, “I fear that new things will always be a letdown.”

What I’d do then is create a “letdown” scale, 1-10. How much of a letdown is each project or time slot, overall? This is a little bit more objective, and hopefully effective, than feeling unsatisfied. It can help you generate ideas for making things less of a letdown, over time.

But yeah—please take a look into the energetic and emotional factors first. Those are always big ones for us INTJs. They come out of nowhere, out of the dark shadow of our personality, and it’s better to give those things attention as soon as possible.

Good luck Holly, and hang in there.

Filed in: Feeling (64) | Productivity (120) | Energy (121) | Control (112) | Therapeutic Practice (149)

Thanks to everyone who sent kind messages and other stuff lately. Like, whoever sent me the silver Reddit award thingy, thanks much, and thanks to Erik for buyin’ me a coffee, and thanks to the others who sent kind comments about the blog.

Some of you visitors are basically filtering out the “INTJ” part and consuming the blog content for the sake of general interest, which is totally cool with me too.

I haven’t shared any music lately, so just to spread a bit of the joy, here are some new-to-me favorites:

(That was a great film)

OK fine, and an old one that I was singing today.

Take care everybody!

Filed in: Feeling (64)